SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T I

Dear students,

Hah! today is not Sept eleventh, the date when World Trade Centre in New York crumbled into ashes. But today is Sept first. What is so significant with the date that without me realizing forces me to crack my palm-sized brain to pour some words so that they may be worthy for our thoughts for further thought.

Yesterday we Malaysians celebrated our most auspicious day though it might bring very little or no significance at all to some or many of us for struggling for freedom is not in most of the lexicon of today's x & y generations. I am 40 years old and though a bit rude or unpatriotic do admit that i don't feel like celebrating as nothing special that can associate me with the most auspicious date. I am above all muslim, the rest comes second or does not come at all. If i may put i am also a beetle lover as it in some ways teach me a few recipes of life which have some bearings  more than from what i have got from years of formal settings at universities or schools. I learn not to risk my dear life negotiating sharp corners after my beetle lost its clutch on the road and turned turtle  which left its all four tires and flat stomach for display to other motorists passing the lane heading to Pengkalawan Gawi Kenyir. I learned to be a good driver then at least to be careful at corners.

Thinking that by the end of this year i may no longer be at smas which of course bring lots of bitter sweet memories, i feel that it is a must to be to preserve some records of the last final laps i will have taken hoping it will become things worthy to share for the sake of you my dear students as well as teachers who might copy paste things deem good to apply for students. I do this as i do feel I did very little contribution to school compared to what I have squeezed from students or the school environment itself  to my benefits. So, now it is timely that i need to do something despite many claim that this is of little or small importance. Never mind I should straighten things up so that the road to exit is clear and no one is standing in my way to bid good bye to smas.

So, after more than one hundred words, it is now clear to me that I need to or I should do this so called 'unpaid efforts' so that i may leave this school feeling that i have done my part to help bring at least a small betterment to this school. So what i have done today? oh almost all is not worthy to record. I have for the first time on the second day in seven years finished checking two exam scripts for English paper two. the papers belong to Amar and Aziz from five taqwa respectively. i prior to marking their papers attempted all the objective questions the part which i myself hardly got all answers correct. This time, i managed to get all the answers correct. That means the questions for this year's trial is not tough like before or i am already a seasoned teacher whose experiences helped me guess the answers better.It sounds boastful but it is in fact nothing to feel proud of as hundreds of  students could easily get all 15 objective questions correct. I guessed the former is true but i need to check the answers from my A students first. You guys may guess whose my A students are?. Just wait.. time will tell as this year English panel headed by Madam Saliza unanimously agreed to churn out at least 10 students getting A for English. To top them all is none other than Siti Nor Ehsan. I could see her niche when i first read her short essay four years ago. I could see her gradual improvement over years as year in year out as i am the one who happens to teach her English. However, I strongly believe that her passion for English language  is what makes her better user of the language.

To end this musing , let us ponder this quote from a renowned figure Winston Churchill. He said '  Personally  I am always ready to learn although i do not always like being taught'.

Sir Yusri

WHAT A LONG HIATUS

Has teaching lost its appeal? At least to me? 

Hence, I feel the need to start writing, to start reflecting here so that the answers are found at least within yourself through muhasabah.

And it's nice to have people reading what's going on in your mind at times and I am even more motivated to write after learning that there are students reading this blog. 

Since my mind is a bit rusty from years of not writing, excuse me for this very short writing. Hope to write more soon, insha Allah.

👋✌️

MY SEVENTH YEAR AT SMAS

Dear students,

Not knowing whether they will take a glimpse or not at this blog is of no importance. What matters me is the act of writing itself continues unabated. The last entry was over a year when i wrote to share my gratefulness for having a good samaritan helping my students out during the exam of English paper. It turned out quite a number of my students got A for English. I should have written this long before not after another result of PMR was released. Like they say, better late than not to start all over again at all. 

This is my seventh year here at SMAS. I should have enough experience considering the length of time spent here. However, I think I am still my old self. I love doing things with minimal supervision from others regardless of their rank or position. Others' constant supervision stifles one's creativity. SMAS is like a pier the place where big and small ships docked. When they finished their business they might in no time start sailing to other islands or destinations. But until now, i have not been flocking like others as i rather sail solo as i don't want to cause others a headache due to my internal problems. 

So tired i am now that i need to pen off my pen as too many a task lie ahead waiting to be done. 

Sir 

THANK YOU ALLAH

Dearest students,

So thankful to Him as though the exam paper today was not a piece of cake at least the task was not an uphill battle for some of my in charge. The theme that i had asked them to commit to memory bore fruits and what a relief to see some of them grinning from ears to ears after exiting from the hall. I must be thankful to the invigilator who happened to be an English teacher. He was a great help to some students who were stuck with difficult words especially for guided writing as some of the vocabulary are not in students' lexicon for their lack of reading. i could not thank him more for his help as who else to give a hand at that time of moment - but was the act morally wrong or enough if i regard such an act as a helping hand only.

So thankful i am to Madam Farah for her tips a couple of days prior to the exam. She amongst others  mentioned about constructing compact essay that includes in it a variety of sentences and tenses aside from some powerful language expression be it idioms, passive voice and so forth. The sentences must be perfectly elaborated.

I could now feel the so called a void after the students finished both first and second paper for English. So, i must buck up and do something to better improve my own language acquisition. SPM candidates under my tutelage will sit the exam in no time. Preparation breeds success, the more small success we acquired the

OO ALLAH HELP THEM PLEASE

Dear students,

It is a known fact that miracles happen everyday. They know yet select day when the Almighty said so, things will be going as ordained. We tend to forget Him if things go our away, instead we invariably brag ourselves by taking full credits while basking in success that we forgot both success and failure are God's test to see whether or not we are in fear of Him. We usually prefer to be in solitude for self-reflection if things went wrong aside from blaming others but ourselves. This is not actually the attitude i we should put in practice as what should matter most is the efforts we have put in. The result, let the Almighty God decide as He knows best who deserve the most.

Sometimes, in the eyes of us mortals, certain students deserve but to Allah they are still not fit enough to be accorded a success for their bad deeds or for any reason only God knows like the laws of karma as some religious adherents hold onto strongly. He is of course All-knower. His knowledge is beyond our imagination. He gave us knowledge but very little.

Sadly to admit that despite being able to anticipate the outcome of last year's batch.The pain and shame rendered us reeling in shock and guilty for failure to convert even a student from lower grades to ace. This alone has since taught me some invaluable lessons that i hardly found elsewhere. So true when a once renowned US singer, Alanis in his song's lyrics read  , i  lose i learn i cry i learn and so forth. Learning is continuous act and it stops once we answer His call or we ourselves prefer to call it a quit though our mental and physical strength said no.

I hardly close my eyes as the time is counting and nothing much could i do now except keeping fingers across that the Almighty Allah we award us accordingly in proportion with the efforts that we put it. I know i could have done better should i have a comprehensive master plan, but this type of thinking dissipates our energy more than any other things.Why? because we put much attention to things in the past that no one can make amend. If the accident victim succumbed to injuries or impact, students as well teachers might paralysed mentally due to failure.

Oo Allah help us please as this will enable us to chart a new life especially students so that they would be able to give greater contribution to the Ummah of Muhammad. Let us chant salawats at all times without fail.

Sir

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Dear students,

What is so equally hard and interesting as it pumps our adrenaline hard is the nature of exam which forces us to keep guessing. Then at times the uhhs and ahhs will follow thereafter i mean after or while the exam. As a teacher whose knowledge of both pedagogical and subject per se is far from being at par with those the old timers of dons, a pang of guilty is of course unavoidable as i know what i lack despite i keep telling myself to rather focus on self-claimed strengths. But , the whisper invariably is too hard that is overheard by others though they care not at all. Thus, this so called uninvited feelings will result in a paradox which hardly abates.

If i have to recall for what i have done this year. I did very little considering the amenities that the school offer in helping out students from the abyss of ignorance. If  i were to compare with some teachers whose hometown are as far as up to 90 kilometres from school, my service might not be that bad. It is disservice to make a comparison as we know what our students need to know at certain rungs. I as far as i am concerned have paid too much concern on preparing them to sit for the exam that i overlook the core business of my teaching   which is to educate and train them to experience a gradual  improvement.

Unlike previous years, this year i have the same batch of students since form 1. i know each and everyone of them. Most of them are the same since form 1. If their English is still bad though it harsh to make such a blanket statement, i think the onus is on me as i did not really teach them English. If i have truly taught them, things will go the other way round. And the blame is on me and this feeling is like an urge to keep me going moments i was about to vent anger of students' indifference towards learning.

The day after tomorrow, there will be English paper. I have done my parts though never enough. At least some students have felt nauseated for having to attend classes at almost all times. They sadly could not find ample time for themselves to relax their mind and refresh their energies. I do pray they will be confident enough to give their all. It is perfection that matters, it is when you have put heart into something that really matters.

E is to me the language genius while S follows suit, only the latter is a bit careless to be at par with the former in writing.

Sir

10 DAYS TO GO

Dear students,

Those taking PMR within 10 days' time have already started butterflies fluttering for freedom inside their stomach. The same might happen to teachers in-charge.It seems fated. We can't help but to care the outcomes out of our last minute actions. As for yesterday i happened to read article by a renowned writer whom i got to know last a few years back and we were in contact for few months before coming to a halt for    no reason. But, to date, i still follow his writing. He said that one of the best way to motivate us to do things or even to be motivated is write. He substantiated his points by saying that writing helps us define our problems clearly. Thus, upon knowing our problems, it would be a great help to tackle them . I am now in the dark on how to prepare my students within critical stages. All of a sudden , it occurred to me that why not put all things popping up in mind into words. Then the poured words would be sieved for further action or even non-action which what really happened at most times before. Another thing, what to write? just write things lingering in mind is not enough as we need to give thoughts to things that really matter. 

Azan is being pronounced from some nearby mosques. To answer the call is one thing. But to truly observe the calling by heading for the mosque for congregational prayers is another thing which is if not equal or of paramount importance. Got to stop now! to be continued..

Sir