REFLECTION: CHECKING INTENTIONS

I do whine a lot being a human-being. I try to remember what a good IPBA friend of mine said, 'complaining won't make you look beautiful'. She is right so now I am feeling so ugly haha. There are times I cannot sleep at night thinking about things with regards to work and myself. So, this friend of mine will remind me that it is better to spend time thinking about the Ummah rather than asking questions pertaining to own self. It is quite embarrassing as I also used to give the same advice to friends of mine years back when they were facing personal unpleasant occurences. And my lovely mom also used to say 'people without aspiration only thinks about self.'

Feeling so ashamed and disgusted with myself, my mind starts to wander thinking about the 4th Chaliphate, Umar Al-Khattab who during time of sleep, only dreamt about ways of developing the Ummah. The most astounding example is the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who at the last few of his breath, the word 'Ummati, Ummati' means my Ummah, my Ummah kept uttering from his lips. Their love for the Ummah is so deep more than they love themselves. What a shame! for I still feeling weak to face all the challenges that lie ahead in front of me. Often at times, I feel guilty for feeling envious of friends who are now in the midst of achieving their own personal dreams while i am the one who should be the most grateful to Allah for letting me to spend my time doing as much as possible to the young people of the Ummah, in pursuit of their own dreams. Sometimes I do wonder which one grants more satisfaction, pursuing own dreams or helping others to pursue their dreams?

Is there anything nobler than doing everything based on the reason that it will benefit the Ummah. What is our benchmark in deciding things for us? What is our main priority?

Am I here just to teach English? No, learning English is not only to pass the exam with flying colours, it is about how you can change the Ummah with this weapon called English language as it is a language of knowledge or like Cikgu Zainun told you during Sejarah period, lingua franca. And Francis Bacon puts it, 'Knowledge is Power.' By all means, to understand the world, let alone to conquer it you must understand English!

Are we game enough to base all of our decisions for the sake of Allah? Walking the talk is definitely harder than the talk. The world is so full of beauty (according to our 'nafs standard) that is difficult for us to say no to. But we only need what we need. Qouting Gibran, 'beauty is only an ecstasy, not a need'.